Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
if only i could text you this smell
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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