How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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