I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
