Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize