My liver just broke up with me...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
