What a fucking waste of an outfit
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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