tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
