dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
