Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
