just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
