If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
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Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
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I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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