I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
