i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
