I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
