dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
