just come out here and I will go home with you...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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