3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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