btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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