a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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