worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
do nipples grow back?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
