Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
