i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
