I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I touched a dick in church today
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
