wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
