you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
