I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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