do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
do herpes really smell.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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