Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
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The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
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That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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