how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
