I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
