Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
