she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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