He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
