so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
