Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
