My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
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I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
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Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm too high and old for this...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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