Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
