Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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