are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
