I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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