Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
