And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
