dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
