I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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