so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
