Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
