when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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