you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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