You're my little dorito
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
