Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
wanna go halves on a baby?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
