Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop

(551): View more from New Jersey

I really wish I could say this is a new low for you

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(614): View more from Ohio

you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting

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(718): View more from New York

If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.

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21 Sketchy Drug Deals That Are Scary AF
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(205): View more from Alabama

I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out

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(316): View more from Kansas

He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.

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(512): View more from Texas

rest in peace liver.

(254): View more from Texas

It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.

(512): View more from Texas

that's going in my livers obituary.

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