I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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