I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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