I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
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I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
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Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.