Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
