margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
