Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
