): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I am naked and annoyed.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
