Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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