I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
