I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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