Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
