If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
