Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
