he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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