My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
