you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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