drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
