We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
