i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
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Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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